Despite feeling generally rather better than through the winter, I've still been struggling a bit recently - my depression is pretty well controlled, but is definitely there and making sure I know why I have to keep taking the tablets! I've been keeping a gratitude diary for the past couple of months, and am definitely finding it helpful to focus on the good in each day, so this week's blog is just going to be about good things which make me happy. This is by no means a definitive list, of course, but represents some of the things which have made me smile recently.
So, entirely unsurprisingly, I'll start with - kayaking. There's just something about being on the river, regardless of the weather. It's not just the feel-good factor of having done some exercise, but a deep inner happiness which I get from it. The fact that in the past couple of sessions, my technique finally seems to be starting to improve is just the cherry on top of the icing on the cake! It doesn't matter that I'm usually one of the slowest people there, even in the slowest Division - I'm not there to race other people (although I do have a competitive streak in me at times), but to enjoy myself and the beautiful environment. There's a different perspective to everything when seen from a kayak, whether the physical surroundings, or daily stresses.
Reading - I've been a book lover for as long as I can remember, and it's still a favourite retreat from the world. I usually have at least 2 books on the go, and sometimes up to half a dozen that I'm (sort-of) actively reading. At the moment I'm still working through my Discworld re-read, and have finished the first eight, as well as the first three Tiffany Aching books. Something's gone a bit wonky though, as I've also read Maskerade instead of Moving Pictures, so will have to make sure the shelf is in the correct order before I pick up the next one! I'm also part-way through Arsenic and Adobo by Mia Manansala, and am listening to Preface to Murder by M S Morris. I'm surprised by how much I'm enjoying a story set in a place so utterly familiar to me, despite having loved a Swedish series set in Gothenburg because of the way it transported me back to one of my favourite places. I've also finally started reading Stöld by Ann-Helén Laestadius; 'enjoying' isn't the right word for this - it's sad and moving, but I care deeply about Elsa and her community, and want justice to be done for them. Again there's the (almost-)familiarity of the location, as I value anything which takes me back to the north of Sweden. I'm only 90 pages in, but it's excellently written, and keeps me coming back for a few more chapters.
Knitting - of course one of the best ways of keeping my hands occupied of an evening. My Chaos Gremlin has an ambitious list of complicated shawls which I should knit(!) - and of course there are things I want to make for myself (not least, a moomin jumper), as well as the various things that Grown Up Daughter wants. I'm currently just over a quarter of the way through a shawl which is a map of the stars in the northern hemisphere which is great fun, and has meant I've finally learned how to do beaded work. The next project might have to be a fun tea cosy as I'd love to do some colour work, but feel that something small-scale is the way to go for this...
Music - this week I've been rediscovering some old favourites. For no apparent reason, I've been in the mood for some Roxette, so have had their music playing while I've been working. And then today I've been reminded of some church music which is very special to me, so have been accompanied by a selection of works by Herbert Howells. I wonder what I'll be listening to next week!
And spring! This morning as I was on my way to work, the sun was shining, birds were singing, flowers everywhere were a riot of colour. At long last, it feels as though the year has turned properly towards the light. We (ok, Mr B) did a bit of a blitz on the garden last weekend, so it no longer just looks like an abandoned jungle which urgently needs some attention, my solar-powered fairy lights are getting enough sunlight to charge them up with sufficient power to last a few hours in the evening, and all of a sudden things truly look brighter. Now I just want it to be warm enough that I can sit outside in my comfy chair with a good book. Most of my happy things are occupations which remove me a bit from the here-and-now, but enjoyment of and appreciation for where I am, on days like this, can be very precious.
The cancer-shadow is constantly lurking, despite my best efforts, so I'm hugely grateful for the NHS, for the easy access to blood tests, treatment, medication, and the mental health support. Hopefully next week things will be easier once I've had my oncology check-up, and I'll feel able to look ahead to the next couple of months and make some fun plans. And regardless, I'll keep looking for the good in each day, for small moments of joy, glimpses of beauty, and things that make me smile.
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