When I started kayaking, almost 5 years ago, I was sure that I'd never want to take part in a race. For me, paddling was about having time on the river, getting away from everyday stress, working on my technique and trying to improve, but in no way wanting to compete with others. And then, gradually, somehow, things shifted. Maybe it's because there are so many enthusiastic racers around, maybe because the club is so good at encouraging people to try racing, no matter how fast or slow they are, maybe because other paddlers of my pace tried it and came back burting with enthusiasm. Regardless of the hows and whys, somehow the bug bit me and I decided to give it a try.
I had just about made the decision that I would sign up for the local race two years ago, then chemo put an end to that idea, so last year when I had the opportunity again, I decided to take the (not literal!) plunge. Much self-doubt later, I was rewarded by completing my first race successfully, without swimming, and - to my great astonishment - not even last!
My excitement after that was enough to persuade the Chaos Gremlin to join me in a K2 (two-person kayak) for a race in September - and although things didn't go quite to plan, we picked up some good points for our club, and felt very happy that we'd taken part. The atmosphere was wonderful, and I literally cheered myself hoarse, shouting encouracement to the other paddlers from our club! And of course, the fact that I bought my own paddle at that event is a nice memory too...
Every year, our club is well represented at national finals day in the autumn; the entry criterion is simply that paddlers must have taken part in 3 races during the season, which starts on 1 September. So, having raced in September, and planning on taking part in our local race again this year, I was somewhat tempted to add a third race in to my plans so that I could go along to the big event and take part! It's an utterly ridiculous idea - ME, at nationals - but appealing in its very ridiculousness. And of course the couple of coaches I mentioned it to were full of encouragement. So, I decided to go for it and signed up for a race last weekend too.
This was the first race I'd done away from home and without my Gremlin there to encourage me and distract me from my own nerves - and as I was driving down there I felt absolutely sick with nervousness. Having arrived, parked, and found the rest of the group from the club, I felt somewhat better, and decided to just try and think of it as a nice Sunday morning paddle. I wasn't planning on trying to race others - just to see what I could manage. Discovering that the course was a full kilometre longer than expected was a less than pleasant surprise, but that's just how it goes sometimes. Obviously these races vary due to the need to find suitable places for large numbers of paddlers to turn round in the river without tripping each other up - I just hadn't anticipated the extra distance. Oh well.
I found our lead coach, got my race number, fixed it to my boat, and tried to keep breathing deeply! The sun was shining with a few clouds and some gentle breeze, and the river looked lovely, so it was the perfect day for it. After the briefing, it was time to get on the water. One loop around, and I realised I needed to adjust my seat to get it into the right place, so headed back to the landing stage and got that sorted. Getting back in (always the most dangerous bit for me!), I so nearly tipped over, but managed to get back out and (mostly) onto the landing stage before it all went too wrong. I emptied my boat out, and tried again, this time uneventfully! A few more laps of the warm-up area, and all felt good, so I found some of the other paddlers from the club who were in the same division as me, and we got ready to line up. Three of us agreed we weren't wanting to do a proper racing start, but just to paddle steadily, so decided which side looked as though it might be best for that, and got into our places.
As the race started, one of my friends clearly had a change of heart, and sped away off the line! I was briefly tempted to try and keep up but decided quickly not to, but just to go at my own pace without worrying about it. And that was what I did. For a while I was slightly concerned that I might be right at the back of the group, but then concluded that a) there was someone behind me after all and b) it really didn't matter if we were the last two. It was a useful incentive, knowing there was someone else there though - for all that I said I didn't care if I came last, the competitive part of me did care, and was not willing to just let someone pass easily in the early stages. By the time we got to the first turn, around 3.5km in, there was a reasonable gap behind me, but I could still clearly see three in front of me, so was very happy that I was just about keeping in touch with them.
Approaching the turn, I saw someone emptying his boat - and as I went past, I saw he was from Division 7, so three race starts before the Division 9 race that I was in. Ouch, that was hurting his time badly then! And then just at the end of the turn, the flow pushed me very close to a rather large tree branch in the water. I could see that if it caught my boat, it would be just behind the cockpit, and knew that that was likely to send me in, so managed in desperation somehow to put a hand out and push myself away and round, narrowly averting disaster!
Going back downstream, just before getting back to the start and finish point, the Division 7 paddler caught up and passed me, clearly doing his best to finish as quickly as he could, despite the long delay caused by falling in. As I made my way past the crowds at the start and finish point, I could hear shouts of encouragement, both using our club shout, and for me individually - and then for the person behind me, which gave me an extra little push to just keep going for the last little bit. Under the bridge, follow the others around the island and back under otehr arch of the road bridge - and then I heard someone getting closer! I tried to push on, I really did - but just didn't have the strength to keep going. And when the paddler got past me, just about 100m from the finish, I realised it was someone from our club who is considerably faster than me and who I'd assumed was way ahead of me right from the start! Somehow losing a place to him felt fine, since I'd already got him mentally placed in front of me. I kept going though, with a resurgence of energy for the last 20 metres or so, and caught back up a little bit, finishing just 5 seconds behind him. Whooooop!
From there, it was a very gentle paddle back across the river to the landing stage, where I caught my breath, and somehow managed to get out of my boat. Once I'd heaved it out onto the back, I realised just how much I was shaking from the exertion, and how utterly exhausted I was both mentally and physically. Fortunately a friend saw me as I was carryign my boat back to our trailer, and offered to take it for me - and I didn't have to be asked twice!
Someone asked me if I'd enjoyed it. I thought for a moment and said that I was glad I'd done it, really pleased with how it went, and was sure that in a few days when the memory of the tiredness and difficulty had faded a bit, I'd have enjoyed it! Sure enough, when I look back now, I do know that it was long and difficult, and was a struggle to keep going at times - but the sense of achievement that I did it, I didn't fall in, AND I wasn't last - that makes it all worth it. And now there's just over three weeks to the next one...!
By the time I got home the results were on the website and I was delighted to see that I came 11th out of 15 with a time of 56:06. I know that doesn't sound like much of an achievement, but it does feel like some sort of validation to me - I'm no longer right at the back of the pack but am with the middle of the field group, less than 30 seconds behind 7th place. Maybe by the end of the summer I might be able to aim for a finish in the top half of the Division - or maybe that's asking a bit much! Either way, I'll keep on paddling, and keep on having fun.
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