Time to banish Mothers Day?

It's been a fair few years now that I've felt increasingly uncomfortable with Mothers Day and Fathers Day - but particularly Mothers Day in churches. Some do still try to call it Mothering Sunday, but most appear to have given in to the commercial version, don't speak about 'mother Church', or God as mother (as well as father), and mark it by giving out small posies to all women in attendance. So, what's wrong with that? Surely it's nice to give flowers to the mums? And in the intercessions we (probably) prayed for women who aren't mothers, and for broken mother/child relationships, so we're not ignoring them... Right?

Wrong! As I see it, the fact that we feel the need to pray particularly for those who want children but can't have them, mothers whose children have died, children (of any age) whose mothers are no longer living, those who have fractured relationships with their children or parents, and others for whom it's a painful day, should give us pause. There are so many for whom it's not a day of happiness, but a day of pain, or sadness, or alienation; should we not think about whether nodding briefly in their direction during our prayers is really doing enough? What if we looked deeper at our motivation for celebrating this almost entirely secular feast? I freely admit I'm no theologian - but I can say without hesitation that in all the many, many Mothering Sunday sermons I've listened to over the years, I haven't yet heard a compelling reason to keep this one.

For many of those who can't have children, those whose children have died, those who are alienated from their children, those for whom parenting is a daily struggle which threatens to break them, those who don't want children and are tired of being asked why they don't have any, and plenty more, this is a day to be avoided. It's hard enough that shops and social media are full of the hype and marketing - does the church really need to be a part of this, or could it consider being a place of peace and refuge?

And that's before we even get into issues around gender. I'm very aware that for many people, gender is considered a binary/biological issue, and that's that. I admit I used to be one of those people. But then I got to know people for whom it's absolutely not that simple and straightforward, and started listening, really listening to their experiences. I'm not going to give examples here - it's not my place to tell their stories - but suffice it to say that I came to the conclusion that if I want other people to believe me when I say something I know to be true about myself, even though it might not seem logical to others, then I have to offer them that same courtesy when they tell me something about themselves. I don't doubt people when they tell me their likes and dislikes about food or books; I don't disbelieve them when they tell me about their experiences or talents; so why should I decide that they have no credibility when it comes to their own gender and identity?

For any parent who isn't cis, Mothers Day can be complex and painful - for the mother who doesn't feel like a woman, the parent who is agender, for the person who gave birth but is now a man, for the woman who was 'dad' for some of her children's lives. These are not a tiny minority who can easily be ignored - there will be people like this in many congregations up and down the country (although probably not on this day, for very obvious reasons).

There are so many places in this world which are not welcoming to people who don't fit the binary stereotypes; for churches to be places which reinforce the pain just seems utterly wrong to me. Whether someone is cis (identifies with the gender which matches their biological sex), trans, agender (doesn't identify as male or female), or any other non-binary identity, has no bearing on God's love for them, and shouldn't have any bearing on the welcome they receive.

So to me the idea of giving praise, recognition, and posies of flowers out to a selection of people based on assumptions about their chromosomes is just baffling. Maybe it's time to leave Mothers Day outside the church doors, and instead welcome everyone, regardless of their sex, gender, family status or relationships. And if welcoming is asking too much, could we at least stop knowingly causing harm? Please?